If it’s news to me, it must be news to you!
Upper crust: A café in my local town centre has produced what it claims is the most northern sandwich ever – a muffin in which a pie sits on top of a pile of chips and topped off with mushy peas.
Don’t panic: If you’re reading this then the end of the world as predicted to happen yesterday by Christian numerologist David Meade has been postponed.
Climate change: Britain’s oldest patch of snow is expected to melt away any day now, something that has happened only six times in the last 300 years.
Cheap as chips: After all the razzamatazz surrounding Donald Trump’s election campaign all his spare memorabilia has turned up in Poundland and is expected to sell well for Halloween.
Name game: Albie, Arlo, Ezra, Finn, Jasper and Jesse replaced Callum, Connor, Jamie, Kian, Seth and Sonny in the top 100 boys’ names in 2016 according to the Office for National Statistics. Oliver and Olivia are now the most popular.
This follows a survey that found that a fifth of grandparents hate their grandchildren’s names because they are trendy, odd or too old-fashioned.
It could be you: If you’re having trouble printing off your boarding pass for a flight from America it could mean you’ve been chosen for special treatment. Check to see if you’ve been designated as SSSS.
Fat chance: A local company is producing Bariquins, a 25-stone bariatric crash test dummy so that emergency services can practice rescuing obese people. Barry the Barriquin is shown here in his unassembled state.
Word of the week: As Marks and Spencer launch their vegetarian Christmas range, news that it is okay to be a ‘flexitarian‘ or part-time veggie.
Potshot: A thirty-foot high statue of Mikhail Kalashnikov, inventor of the eponymous rifle, was unveiled in Moscow on Tuesday.
Brief lives: England’s leading women’s test match run scorer Jan Brittin; the son of Hitler’s favourite architect and himself one of Germany’s leading post-war architects and urban planners Albert Speer Jnr; ‘Raging Bull’ boxer Jake LaMotta; Eurosceptic Teddy Taylor; the world’s richest woman Liliane Bettencourt and; Fifteen to One quiz show host William G Stewart.