if it’s news to me, it must be news to you!
Making-up isn’t hard to do: A row is brewing among the horse show set about whether it is fair or proper to plaster the horses with mascara, foundation and hair extensions to make them more attractive to the judges.
Mind you, sometimes you just have to do it, like Bob the stallion who has had hair extensions to his tail to help him swish the flies away.
Soaking of the week: It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to invent a water pistol does it? Er… actually, yes it does.
Nil by mouth: Ever wondered what hospitals do with all those bits left over after an operation? @Jazmasta posted this photo of unidentified meat between two pieces of bread served up at a hospital in Lancashire and labelled ‘Patient Sandwich’.
Broadcaster of the week: ITV is to shut down all seven of its stations for an hour on Sunday, 27th August, to encourage people to get off the sofa and into exercise as part of I am Team GB. Now we need to get the BBC and Sky to follow suit.
Snub of the Week: Laura Trott gets the golden girl treatment by the Daily Mail, but record equalling Jason Kenny only merits a mention in passing.
Olympic joke of the week: A man sees an Olympian carrying an 18 foot long bag. ‘Are you a pole vaulter?’ he asks. ‘Nein, I am German,’ comes the reply. ‘But how did you know my name was Walter?’ (The old ones are the best)
Language hijack one: Specsavers successfully trademark the word ‘should’ve’, as in their ‘Should’ve gone to Specsavers’ tag line. More worryingly, they also trademarked the word without the apostrophe.
Language hijack two: Ryan Lochte, whose hair turned green in Olympic pool last week and then falsely claimed to have been robbed at gun point this week, once tried to trademark the word ‘jeah’ as his own, even though he had filched it from rapper Young Jeezy.
Tax attack: A Bristol man received a tax bill for £14,301,369,864,489.03 which he estimates will take him 369 million years to pay.
Blankety Blank: He might put the cheque book and pen prize from Blankety Blank which is set to return to our tv screens after a fourteen year absence.
Who’d have thought it? A scientist at Oxford University’s Institute of Cognitive and Evolutionary Anthropology proves that a football fan’s loyalty to his/her club is equally strengthened by defeat as victory thanks to something called ‘identity fusion’.
Brief lives: Barbara Gibb, mother of the Bee Gees; Kenny Baker, R2-D2 actor; João Havelange, former president of FIFA; Pramukh Swami Maharaj who founded the Neasden Temple; Gloria DeHaven, star of 1940s MGM musicals; Donald Campbell, brother of Alastair; Terry Kane, one of the few Battle of Britain pilots to be taken prisoner; Leonard Cohen’s muse, Marianne Ihlen; dolphin communication expert Louis Herman and; Brian Rix, Whitehall farce actor and disability campaigner.